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"Say What?!?"
A collection of worthwhile quotes I've come across. Some are clever and the others are just unbelievably stupid.  

"With a face like mine, you learn to do a lot of things with one hand."

       --Type O Negative Frontman Peter Steele, when asked how he learned to play bass with one hand.

"There's something strangely musical about noise."

                             --Michael "Trent" Reznor of Nine Inch Nails.

Q: If you could live forever, would you and why?
A: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."

                           --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." 

                                  -- Pop Star Mariah Carey

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." 

                                    -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor,
                           answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part                  of your life."

                -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become                               spokesperson for the federal antismoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."

     --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime
        rates in the country." 

                                -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it." 

                                -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the
Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." 

                                   -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

                                       --Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A                                      genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." 

                                                     --Joe Theisman,
                                         NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."                

                                                        --Keppel Enderbery

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago. "

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but
it's got a particularly unique situation."

                          --All 4 above quotes spoken by Dan Quayle, VP

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

               --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

               --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Got any really clever or really moronic quotes that I could use?  Send them to me via e-mail and I will be so grateful for your contribution that I might even consider saving a spot for you in my will. 

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